Sunday, June 16, 2013

On Falling Asleep and Waking Up With Artists On All Sides of You

It's sort of like a headache. But it's also sort of like the cure to a headache.

It's exhausting, that's for sure. In my life I have had the privilege to be surrounded by creative people (Lawrence, etc). But when everyone around you has a B.F.A. or some other fine arts major, you sort of feel like you've been slapped in the face with the consolidated interior of millions of energetic brain cells. Hence the headache/ non headache feeling.

I came to Franconia thinking I would take a break from art, because I felt burnt out at the end of the year, and because creativity usually comes in cycles anyways (well, for me). I also thought I would throw myself entirely into community arts engagement projects. However, I have only been here for four days and I have already had a complete change of heart. Or maybe it's just that the creative atmosphere at Franconia is a virus. Or maybe it's because I am also surrounded by lush, green countryside and fresh air.


I have most certainly been enjoying my time here. But the constant struggle for type-A personality types is feeling like you're doing something wrong if you're enjoying yourself. Not that I think any of the work I do here will be non-enjoyable, but I just wonder if I am doing enough, or if this internship in general is going to be enough. (Although even as I'm writing this I am hearing that tiny voice in my ear: it is what you make of it). I know that there is always an adjustment period, and I haven't even been here a week. But I am not a patient person. I want instant satisfaction, and knowing that isn't going to happen is annoying. I have also been frustrated at the amount of chores/ busy work I have been doing. However, I know that "arts administration" is really a vast territory with no specific definition, and if you know how to mow a lawn you are basically as qualified to be in the field as if you know how to curate an exhibition (okay, that's a slight exaggeration but you know what I mean).

Another thing about working and living here that I didn't expect is feeling like I am not being regarded as an "artist" because I did not come here specifically to make art. I kind of feel like I am catering to a celebrity clientele (Hey guys, I do have a degree in art, you know!) Yet another clause to take into consideration on this dangerously unregulated quest to find out what I would like to do with my life.

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